Selfish

The word selfish has been used two times against me. Well at least the mattered ones la. Am I? I guess I am. Is it me that always think about myself? Always thinking about what's important for me and not thinking about other people's feelings? I guess so. I did'nt realise it till then. Honestly , not to brag or anything but before this I thought I was the most unselfish person amongs the people I knew. Sometimes I took their pain and let it be mine, Honestly I don't actually care. I just love seeing people happy especially my loved ones. Allah kata ' Kalau kita bahagia kan orang lain , Dia akan bahagiakan kita '. I believed in that. But still I admit it , I do also hurt people at times and that's why sometimes I became annoying to those people. You know , like trying to apologise , making stupid jokes and other things that might annoy people laa. I felt guilty and soo stupid especially if I hurt My Parents and My Girl. Still improving on that. It's hard for me to be a better person. But with the help of someone , things could be a lot easier. That someone could be an inspiration for me to be better. As far as my life brings me , my parents and Liyana are my inspirations in a lot of things. My love for them can make me stronger to help me be a better man. That is why I dont care for balasan or whatev , it's just loving them helps me. But still , as a human being I also need love , care and attention from others especially them. For me it's kinda hard for me to ask something from someone. That's just me. Sometimes I want something so bad but my throat just can't spit it out to anyone. That kinda hurts me laa. Yelaa , apa yg nak tak dapat. It's not like jual mahal but IDK , It's just hard for me to ask. Even to say no if someone asks me for help eventhough it might trouble me , it is hard for me. My parents and Liyana always reminded me not to let people take advantage of me. Well , I'm trying my best. Sometimes yes I say no to those who seek help , but then comes the guilt and everything. I hate that even more. Sometimes I even sacrifice my needs for a person. Honestly , it hurts but seeing them happy cures it all , well almost. So as a conclusion , pfftt mcm essay pulak dah. I'm a person with a BIG but very DELICATE heart. That's me. That's why sometimes with people I'm close too especially Liyana , I felt free. I feel free to ask something , I feel free to complain my problems , I feel free to pamper. Actually I'm not a pampered person , just to those who I felt comfortable and close too , like my mother , Liyana and sometimes my father , my grandmother and my late grandfather. These are the person who I feel free to be with. I can't be free easily with other people. What free means? Free means like , I can be pampered , I have the guts to ask something eventhough I felt awkward asking for it , I can express my feelings because it's kinda hard for me to share my problems with random people even bestfriends , I can express my love comfortably and I just can be my annoying self. These is the ' free ' I was mentioning about. I only felt this ' free ' with my parents and Liyana. That is why I love and appreciate them very much. But maybe because of this ' free' thing , I am selfish. Hmm. But theres no one else , I have feelings too. Sorry if I hurt you or anyone. I'm not trying to be selfish , I just feel free and comfortable to do it with you. Hmm. Sorry.  Not all people know who I am. Well now you read it you know la jugak. But you don't have the experience knowing me. And maybe you might not like it. Hehe. But thanks anyway for those who care about me :) Oh and sorry if you rasa saya brag ke poyo ke apa , ni blog saya lantaklah! Haha joking , sorry , not to brag or anything , just expressing. Hehe. And special thanks to Mom and Dad , I love you guys so much! And of course , to my dearest love , NurLiyanaAmira , thank you too and melafchuberimashmashmash <3